Deborah Oppenheim

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She said NO

She Said “NO” and I am Celebrating


Are you afraid of hearing a ‘No’ when you ask a woman out?  I do everything I can to avoid getting a ‘no’ also.  How does it feel to put all that effort into avoiding the rejection?  It takes a lot of energy, doesn’t it?


I’ve spent TONS of energy avoiding situations just so I don’t have to be rejected AND I’ve also not gotten what I wanted because I avoided the whole thing.  That often leads to a lose-lose situation — wear yourself out avoiding the ‘no’ AND don’t get what you want for all that effort.




The first thing you need to know is that when you get a ‘No’, it is not about you.  It’s really all their own ’stuff’ whatever that might be (that you don’t even know!)  Even though I teach this in most of my classes…. it’s easy to forget in that moment of hearing the rejection.


Another sneaky way that this shows up is that you spend a lot of energy towards the woman who does not give you a clear ‘No’. You feel drained chasing them down, and then when you finally get that ‘No’ it feels even more rejecting because you put in a good bit of effort.  I had that one happen to me recently when I had the desire to reconnect to a woman, gave her a lot of attention trying to get that connection without any actual result.  I drained myself by being attached to the connection and was so focused on that that I didn’t notice the creepy feeling she was giving me, she would say yes to connecting but then not follow through, causing me to text her suggestion on where and when to get together.  FINALLY, she told me ‘NO’ and I can’t even begin to describe the amount of relief I felt.  And, even though it stung a bit… after the relief came to a huge wave of energy to focus on something else!


So, the next time that you get a ‘No’ I invite you to celebrate it instead of feeling bad.  A woman’s ‘No’ frees you up to find that right woman out there who DOES want to give you her time and affection.  It releases you to spend your energy on someone amazing.


Reid Mihalko, “America’s favorite sex geek”, has a great exercise where when you put out a request, of any kind, and receive a ‘no’ you say (either to yourself or aloud to the other person) “Thank you for taking care of yourself.”.  This honors the other person for making the decision that is right for THEM.  It helps you receive the ‘No’ as well as remind you that its not really about you.


Try it!

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